Two
by cynomynn
Summary: A series of one-shots that center around two Shepards: fem!Shep Leaina, and m!Shep Benji. Silliness, awkwardness, seriousness, and awesomeness will ensue. Covers stuff from Mass Effect all the way up to ME3, so nothing's safe. Maybe some fluff about the books/comics/movies/other media that the ME universe has invaded. Rated M for violence, coarse language, and adult themes.
1. Flowers

**A/N:** This'll be a series of one-shots that center around two of my Shepards: fem!Shep Leaina, and m!Shep Benji. Most of them will be silly fluff with maybe some serious giggles and perhaps a little bit of an actual plot thrown in. I'll cover stuff from Mass Effect all the way up to ME3, so nothing's safe. I might even throw in some fluff about the books/comics/movies/other media that the ME universe has invaded. This first one is a sillier, more awkward and (maybe) cuter version of Garrus' and fem!Shep's love scene near the end of ME2. Enjoy!

* * *

**Flowers**

Garrus was more terrified now than he ever had been before battle. As he walked around the Normandy, slowly working his way to the upper deck, he thought about what he was doing. Was Shepard serious about this...relationship thing? Would it go well? Were they crazy for trying this? What if he screwed it all up, like he usually managed to when he was with her?

Garrus' clothes were so hot and uncomfortable; he preferred his armor, busted and broken as it was. Why was he wearing yellow? He hated yellow. Blue was more his style. And why had he picked this outfit? It made him look like some kind of raggedy monster. _Well, it's too late to change that, _he thought. He scratched behind his hood as Joker waved at him, limping awkwardly through the Normandy's halls, presumably on his way to the mess hall for some much-deserved dinner. Joker looked like he was talking to himself, but Garrus knew he was arguing with EDI again; the blue glow that followed behind the pilot was unmistakable. Garrus made a three-fingered wave back and then took the elevator up another floor, clutching a musical tape, a bottle of wine, and a single red rose to his chest.

The elevator gave a soft whoosh and then opened. Garrus nervously took a step towards her door, trying to summon the courage to open it.

_How pathetic I am, _Garrus thought to himself. _Scared of one little date._

Spirits be damned, why was he so jittery? He had never felt this way before, tingly and breathless and weak in the knees.

Garrus reached for the button that would open the Commander's door, but then froze. What was he _doing_? He was sure he was going about this all wrong. But before Garrus could turn tail and run back to the main battery, Shepard's door opened with a barely audible hiss.

"Garrus!" she smiled. She had her arms spread wide, looking like she was about to hug him, but quickly brought them back to her chest. That's when Garrus noticed the trail of water leading to her door, and the towel wrapped around her torso. If Garrus had been human, his face would have been as red as a tomato. As it was, his mandibles twitched, showing his embarrassment.

Shepard looked down at her dripping body, and then back up at Garrus. She smirked and said, "Well, come right on in. It's not like I'm naked or anything." Garrus almost squeaked and ran through the door, but he managed to keep his cool. Well, until he slipped on the pool of water Shepard had left behind her on her way to the door. He landed heavily on his backside, dropping everything he was carrying. The bottle of wine he had brought shattered on the metal floor; the rose was crushed under him; the tape was soaked.

"Oh, no..." he said. "I've done it again." he didn't mean to let his dismay leak out in his voice, but it did anyway. He sat in the damned puddle, the water and wine slowly soaking through his bright yellow pants, turning them an ugly brownish-purple.

Shepard let out a bell-like laugh, and covered her mouth in that adorable way she always did. "Done what again?" she asked, faking innocence.

"Ruined everything." Garrus said, miserable in his puddle.

"You haven't ruined anything yet, Officer Vakarian." she said playfully. She grabbed his hand and pulled him up, only for both of them to fall back down in the puddle. Garrus was instantly jealous of the way she even managed to trip gracefully (despite her towel almost falling off). They shared a glance and broke out in peals of laughter. Garrus' nervousness eased a little, the tension working its way out of his body as he shared this moment with Shepard.

Shepard jumped up and took Garrus' hand, again hauling his bulk up off the floor. He marveled at her strength, and then realized he was staring. Shepard drank it up, reveling in the attention.

"Why don't I go put on some clothes, in case of further mishaps?" she said. Garrus nodded dumbly, still a bit nervous. Shepard walked towards the bathroom, humming a human tune that Garrus vaguely recognized.

Garrus bent down and picked up the squished rose and soaked tape, and then walked over to the old-fashioned boombox Shepard kept on her nightstand. Finding a tape that fit the ancient thing had been nigh on impossible; but he was glad that Joker had mentioned Shepard's peculiar interest in ancient musical technology. Otherwise he'd be...what was that saying...up a creek without a paddle? Yes, that was it. He'd be up a creek without a paddle.

Garrus slipped the tape into the boombox, unsure of how to use it. The tape jammed in the opening, and Garrus couldn't figure out how to make it close. He fiddled with the tape for a few seconds, getting frustrated.

"You're putting it in backwards!" Shepard said, popping up behind him. She had snuck up behind him in his frustration. Pressing up against him, she grabbed the tape and deftly turned it over and inserted it into the opening. Her long, wet, black hair caught on his fringe. He could feel the warmth of her skin through his clothes; smell the flowery shampoo she had used. She drew back from the speaker, her cheek brushing gently against his as she did so. He was almost sure she did it on purpose, but it took his breath away anyway.

As the music began to play, Shepard grimaced. "Is this really what you picked?" she asked, laughing a little.

"…Yeah." He said sorrowfully. _I knew I had done something wrong! _He thought, mentally kicking himself.

"That's what I love about you, Garrus. You do the damnedest things!" she said. She grabbed his hands, entwining her five slender fingers in his three. She danced a little silly jig, trying to entice him to dance with her, but he was still so jittery. She stopped dancing, noticing his discomfort. He let go of her hands and fiddled with the hem of his shirt nervously.

"Are we crazy? For doing...whatever this is?" he blurted out. Shepard frowned and walked over to the speaker, cutting it off with a curt move. The silence was terrible, looming. It reminded Garrus of what they had to do; what they were risking. He shook his head, trying to clear those thoughts away. This was supposed to be about them. Him. Shepard.

Shepard sat down on the bed. She crossed her legs and patted the spot next to her, silently asking him to sit beside her. Garrus flopped onto the bed, losing his confidence yet again.  
Shepard grabbed his hand, holding it in her lap as she said, "Garrus, we're definitely crazy." The playfulness had vanished from her voice, her face taking on the hardened quality that it did when she was deep in thought.  
"But that's not what's important. What's important is how we feel. I..." she paused. Her face went through several emotions that Garrus couldn't identify before settling on one he did recognize: happiness. "I care about you, Garrus."  
"I...I care about you, too." he said.  
A sort of bliss settled over Garrus – knowing what he was up against had always made him feel better.  
"Well, then," he said. "If you were a turian, I'd be complimenting your fringe and your waist. So, your hair is nice. And your waist is...very supportive."  
Shepard smiled.  
"Oh!" he said, remembering the squashed rose he had brought. "And this is for you...well, it was."  
Shepard gave a squeal of delight. "Garrus, it's perfect!"

"For what? It's all squished." he said, confused.

"Follow me!" she said, taking the rose gently from him. She led him back towards the door, stopping at her desk. She reached up to take down an ancient book from the top shelf, but couldn't quite grab it.  
"Help a girl out, Garrus? After all, you're supposed to be the one with reach." she said.

Garrus laughed, remembering the conversation they'd had about "reach and flexibility." Thinking back, Garrus couldn't believe he'd shared that with Shepard. He gingerly lifted the old book down from the shelf and handed it to her.

Setting it down on the desk, she started flipping through the pages slowly. In the middle of the book, she stopped. He leaned over her shoulder to get a better look, a smell that was similar to her hair emanating from the book.

"See this? It's called a chrysanthemum. I found it when I was little, back on Earth. One of the other orphans showed me how to press them so they last longer." she said, her eyes growing distant, remembering her time on Earth.

She flipped another page, and there was a different flower. "This one's lavender. Daisy. Another chrysanthemum. A tiger lily that Kaidan gave me before...before Virmire." she recited, flipping through the book gently while remembering the fallen lieutenant that everyone had liked. "A four-leaf clover given to me by Anderson when I was promoted to Commander." Each flower seemed to hold a special place in her heart; carried a memory with it. Garrus felt like he was intruding upon something almost sacred to her.

"Here we go!" she said, coming to a blank page. "The perfect spot." She placed the rose down on the page, and then gently shut the book.

"Now it'll last forever." she said, smiling that crooked smile Garrus loved.

She turned back towards him and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Thank you." she whispered into his chest. His heart beat quickened as he embraced her. He nuzzled his face against the top of her head.

"You're welcome." Garrus' mandibles caught in her hair as he spoke, but he was so unbelievably happy that he didn't bother to disentangle them.

They stood there like that for a while, happy to just hold each other. Shepard was the first to pull away, holding him at arm's length to look into his eyes. She smiled blissfully.  
"I came up here hoping for at least one thing to go right for me." he said quietly. _It seems like I got what I came for, _he thought happily to himself.

Shepard stroked his scars tenderly with her hand. "Don't worry." She smiled sweetly.

Taking cues from the vids Mordin had given him (as embarrassing as they were to watch), Garrus leaned in to kiss her. Unfortunately, he aimed too high and missed, causing their heads to thwack together.

"I'm sorry," he said, drawing back. "I just..."

"No, wait." she said. She came close, resting her forehead on his. "This is nice." They stood like that for a minute, silent. When they separated, she planted a kiss right on his leathery lips.

Garrus didn't know what the hell they were getting themselves into, but he liked it.

* * *

Garrus had lain awake long after Shepard had fallen asleep, thinking a million miles a minute. He loved the way her soft skin had rubbed against him, the way her messy hair caught in his fringe when she kissed him. His arm lay wrapped around her shoulders, their legs intertwined. Shepard sighed happily in her sleep, her body flush against his. His arm was starting to tingle, but he didn't dare move it for fear of waking her.

Just after Garrus had thought, _I wish this moment could last forever_;Joker's voice rang through the room. "Uhh, Commander?" Shepard sat up groggily, rubbing her eyes and smiling at Garrus.  
"Shepard?" Joker said impatiently. "You'd better get down here. Thing are about to get exciting. And, as much as I am mortified to say this..." he paused, and then his voice came through fainter, saying, "EDI, do I really have to? Can't you do this?"

"Well, you're the pilot, Jeff. I'm just a simple AI." Garrus swore he heard sarcasm in EDI's simulated voice.

"Fine. If that's the way you're going to be." Joker griped.

"Ahem. Uh, Garrus, I...we...uh. We know you're..uhh...in there too. And Tali asked me to tell you she needs you to finish calibrating the main gun." Joker said, his embarrassment noticeable through the comm.

Garrus' mandibles flared. _We know? _Who was WE? Just Joker and EDI? Garrus could weather through the pilot's jokes, but if everyone knew about him and Shepard...oh, spirits.  
Garrus' mind returned to the task at hand. He and Shepard both scurried around the room, collecting the clothes they had abandoned earlier.

"I think these are yours." Shepard giggled, holding up his wine-soaked yellow pants. He traded his pants for her shirt, which he had picked up from where he had thrown it across the room.  
Both now fully dressed, Shepard and Garrus quickly exited her room and entered the elevator. They were both silent on the way down, but the glance they shared said everything they needed to. The door hissed open, and Shepard started to walk towards the cockpit.

"Shepard," he said, grabbing her had desperately. "Be careful out there."

"Don't worry about me. I'll be fine." she said, turning back to face him. She leaned in and brushed her lips against his.

She spun and walked back towards the galaxy map on her way to help Joker, pausing to look at Kelly's empty console. Spotting Miranda, she shouted, "Hey, Miri! You ready to go kick some Collector ass?"

Garrus grinned as the elevator clanged shut. "That's my girl." he announced to no one in particular before turning his thoughts to the matters at hand.


	2. Baa, Baa, Black Sheep

**A/N:** Neither Shepard is central in this chapter, but it focuses mainly on Ash, right after she rejoins the Normandy crew in ME3. But, it is set in the land of fem!Shep Leaina.

* * *

_Baa, Baa, Black Sheep_

Lieutenant Commander Ashley Williams was not happy. No, not happy at all.

Everyone was sneering at her. It wasn't that they were put off by the still-healing bruises that blanketed her face, of that she was certain. She had made sure they were barely visible before boarding the Normandy. What could possibly prompt the sour faces from the crew? She was ready to yank out her hair just thinking about it.

Engineer Adams strolled into the room, looking like he needed a break. Ash smiled and patted the couch, inviting her old friend to have a drink and sit. Adams shook his head and walked out. Similar events had followed. Liara had whirled around and ignored her in the mess. Tali glowered in that strange quarian way of hers, and Joker had ceased telling his horrid jokes when she approached the bridge to chat with Shepard. It was like zero was being divided by when Joker was quiet.

_Maybe I should ask Garrus what's going on_, she thought to herself, lounging in her quarters. The turian served as the unofficial second-in-command. He spoke with the crew almost as much as Shepard did. He was also the only one she hadn't caught glaring at her. Ashley huffed and got up, fruitlessly dusting off her fatigues in the process.

The main battery wasn't far. _Thank God,_ she thought. _No scowling crewmen to deal with._

Garrus was swaying to a silent tune, doing what appeared to be his all-important calibrations. His three-fingered hands tapped quietly at the panels. Ashley smiled, recalling all the hours the kid had spent restoring the Commander's beloved Mako.

"Hey there, Vakarian," Ashley started conversationally. "Got a second?"

"As a matter of fact, Lieutenant Commander, I do not." Garrus' dual-toned voice was formal and clipped. Ash frowned.

"Any idea when you'll be free?" Williams needled, still polite. She was no expert on turian body language, but she could have sworn he was furious at something. _Or someone._

Garrus about-faced. Slow, purposeful. His sharp teeth were bared and his predatory eyes flashed. "Get out of my sight, Williams. Before something happens that we'll both regret."

Ashley threw up her hands, trying to placate the angry man. "Alright, Vakarian. Calm down, I'm leaving. She shuffled out backwards, keeping the warrior in her line of sight.

What was wrong with him? Back on the SR1, he had ever been the friendly, curious sidekick. Ashley was confounded. The door to the main battery whooshed shut. She stared at it for a minute, wracking her brain. What had she done to piss him off? She hadn't spoken to him since being reassigned to the Normandy. For that matter, what had she done to piss _anyone_ off? It's not like she'd peed in anyone's Wheaties.

She hoofed it away from the main battery as fast as her feet could carry her. She made a beeline for the elevator, ignoring the few crewmen she bumbled into along the way.

She reached the bridge, not sure why her tired feet led her there, or why she hadn't stopped to talk to Shepard in the CIC. Joker was chatting animatedly with EDI, who sat prim and proper in the copilot's chair.

"So that's why I can never look at a hanar without laughing." Joker said, cheeks flushed. EDI quirked an eyebrow and smiled. The AI's so perfectly humanoid body still freaked Ashley out. It had tried to erase her from existence, after all.

"Story-time over?" Ash inquired. EDI glanced up, her silver eyes meeting Williams'. Ash struggled to put on a smile, but eventually succeeded. EDI smiled back. Joker swiveled his chair around to see what had drawn his girl's attention. When he caught sight of Ashley, he stared daggers at her.

_What is _with_ the crew today? _Ashley nearly blew her top. What had she_ done_? Shepard had said what was in the past was in the past, so it wasn't that Shepard was turning the crew against her...and, honestly, what else could it be?

Joker whispered to EDI. The synthetic woman nodded, then rose to meet Ash. "Jeff wishes me to ask you to leave the bridge, Lieutenant-Commander Williams." EDI was at least polite about kicking her to the curb.

"Can I ask why, EDI?" Ash grumbled.

"I am not certain, Miss Williams. Jeff did not inform me of the reasoning behind his request." Joker's chair had it's back turned to them. It was cold and unwelcoming, just like everything else on this damned ship. EDI settled back down smoothly and turned her back to Ash. Ash sighed and trotted back to the elevator.

An impossibly long elevator ride and a short electronic ding later, Ash returned to the floor on which her quarters were located. She didn't want to go back yet. She still hadn't figured out why everyone was giving her the cold shoulder. And, quite frankly, that room was boring as hell.

Ashley wandered back toward the mess. The kitchen was a disaster...and there was Vega, doing his best to make the wreckage look like a functioning mess again.

"Sparks, what did you even do to this thing?" Vega grimaced and held up what used to be a frying pan. Tali poked her head up out of the rubble that was the oven and cried, "I don't know, James! I was trying to learn how to make pancakes..." Tali's head hung. "It seemed like a good idea, at the time."

Vega's booming laugh echoed. "Well, next time, ask for help. I'm sure Lola could help ya...unless you want eggs. I can totally do eggs."

"Shepard? Cook?" Ashley interrupted, stifling a giggle. Tali twisted her head and glanced at Ash.

Even though no one could see Tali's face, Ashley was sure the quarian was glaring at her. And there was the whispering again...Tali raised her hand (to block Ash from reading her invisible lips?) and murmured something to Vega. Ash could only tell Tali was speaking by the little blue light on her visor.

Vega grinned sympathetically and said, "Sure, Sparks. I'll take care of this mess." Tali thanked him and walked quickly away.

"Hey, could you tell Scars that I need a cleanup on aisle three?" Vega shouted at her back, and she laughed and nodded. Vega started rummaging through what was left of the mess.

"Gonna help, or just stand there like a perdedora?" he asked, head still buried in the rubble.

"I guess I could spare some of my valuable time. I'll be more help than Garrus, anyway." Ash set to work, lifting up metal shrapnel and stowing it on the nearest intact counter.

"Huh? Why's that?" Vega asked.

"He's in a bad mood." Ashley explained. "He about near ripped my head off."

"Scars? Nah, he wouldn't hurt a fly. Unless that fly was trying to hurt Lola, of course. Big softie, that one."

"Ha! That's rich." Ash stopped, suddenly feeling twenty years older. "It's not just him, though. You're the only person who I've talked to today who hasn't glared at or threatened me."

"Really? Even Joker? Because I can't get the guy to shut up."

"Even Joker. He had EDI tell me to scram."

"Wow." Vega whistled, impressed. "Real social pariah you are, Williams." he lifted a huge chunk of seemed to be an oven. Ashley stared as his huge muscles flexed.

"Yeah." She said, done admiring Vega's physique...for now. "I can't figure out why."

"I can tell you that easy, Williams." He said, frowning. _There it is again..._"You really don't know?"

"Not a clue." she said honestly. She leaned on a counter. "Spill it, Vega."

He crossed his arms. "Well, I wasn't there when all this was going down, so most of this is hearsay, got it?" Ash nodded.

"From what I gathered, you didn't back Shepard up when she came back from the dead. Suicide mission and all." Vega looked to her for confirmation.

"She was working with Cerberus! She hadn't contacted me for two years! How could I be expected to trust her after that?!" Ashley screamed, sick of people bringing this up. Hadn't she paid enough for her mistakes? And hadn't Shepard already forgiven her?

""Whoa, there, chica. Let's not get carried away. Nobody's pointing any fingers." Ashley slumped over, exhaustion hitting her like a 20-kilo ferris slug going at 1.3 times light speed. She hadn't even _done_ anything today.

"Yeah. I guess I overreacted." she sighed.

"Anyway. The word on the street is, you told her off on Horizon. From the way Garrus tells it, she was crying about it for weeks. I've know Lola long enough to know he's probably right."

"But we've already talked about that! She forgave me! Even let me back on the Normandy!"

"Precisely, chica. _Lola _forgave you. _Lola _let you back on the ship. Lola ain't got anything to do with the mess you're in."

"What are you saying?" Ash asked, confused.

"Look, you've known these people for longer than I have. You'd have to be stupid or ignorant to not know how protective they are of Shepard. Sparks and Scars especially. They're pissed at you for hurting her."

"Is that it?"

"_Is that it? _Really? Williams, lemme tell you something. I guarded the Commander's door for six months back in Vancouver. I talked to her. You know what the things she talked about most were? One, the Reapers. That's easy. Ranted on about them every day. Two, Scars. She was worried 'bout that tough son-of-a-bitch. Felt like I had known the guy for years before I had even met him. And three, you. She was always saying that one of her few regrets was not apologizing _to you_. I asked Anderson for some clarification, and after what he told me, _I _wanted to hit you, and I don't like hitting ladies. You were a right stuck up goddamn bitch, and that's why none of the crew will talk to you. You're lucky Lola's squeeze hasn't ripped your head off."

"Oh." Ashley said, feeling two inches tall. That was it. That was why everyone was so mad at her. _I guess I can understand that_, she reasoned. _I was kind of a bitch._

"I think I'll go...get slobbering drunk now." Ash turned, feeling like the weight of the world was on her shoulders. How could she have been so blind? So stupid? Drowning her new-found sorrows-slash-personality issues seemed like a good idea. She shuffled off towards the rec room, remembering vaguely that that was where Donnelly kept the cheap liquor. And where Daniels kept the aspirin.

"You know, I think I'll join you. Outsiders've got to stick together, you know?" Vega said, jogging to catch up with her. "And I've been waiting for some decent drinking company."

Ash smiled. "I like the way you think, Vega. Let's go see if Chakwas has restocked her stash of good stuff." Healing her relations with the crew could wait. She seemed to have won Vega over. And Shepard had already forgiven her. Maybe she could win Chakwas over with a drink. It wouldn't hurt to try.

"Right behind you, Ash." he smirked.

"Then let's get drunk!"


	3. Smooch

**A/N: **This next chapter focuses on renegade-ish m!Shep, Benji, and that lovable brown-eyed biotic, Kaidan, set during ME1. If you're uncomfortable with slight slash, I'd humbly advise you to skip this one.

* * *

_Smooch_

Life aboard the Normandy SR1 wasn't all that exciting between missions. Normally, the Commander would have some one-on-one time with each of the crew (including Joker, but Kaidan didn't really understand how Shepard put up with the pilot. The man was _obnoxious._) And then...nothing. Kaidan had nothing to occupy his time with except his migraines, and those weren't exactly the entertainment he was looking for. The Commander had already made his rounds. Kaidan had spent the whole conversation talking about Rahna. He was sure that he had sounded like a whiney bastard, but such is life. Kaidan had to figure out something to do before he went absolutely fucking bonkers.

_There has got to be something to do on this hunk of flying metal!_ he thought to himself, shaking his head. He drummed his fingers on the plexiglass table in the mess. He grimaced, noting his perfectly manicured nails. No, the women of the ship hadn't gotten to him. He just had that much time on his hands.

Talking to Chakwas was out; she was tending to the apparently incompetent Dr. T'Soni.. _Did the woman really forget to eat that often? _He asked himself. _Nah, it's got to be all show. _Let's see...he could clean the counter over there, or talk to some of the other crew members. He could mess around on his terminal, but that turian kid Garrus would probably yell at him, and then mutter about having to fix it for the next three days. Or maybe the quarian would come and grouse at him for a change (he hoped that that would be the case if he decided on that particular course of action. Tali was a lot easier on the eyes than Garrus) Talking to someone seemed more promising, but there was nobody around. He sighed several times, but the dramatic effect was lost on the tables and chairs. _Cleaning it is._ He meandered over to the counter, taking as long as humanly (or alien-ly?) possible. He checked the clock that hung on the wall. Eleven hours until they reached Noveria. _Great._

He wiped cups, plates, glasses, computers, handles, tables, chairs, ceilings, and floors. His back hurt, his hands reeked of the industrial-strength rust remover that he'd chanced upon in a supply closet, his knees cracked when he walked, and the second floor of the Normandy sparkled. Literally, Kaidan could see his reflection in nine-tenths of the surfaces near him. Who'd decided that reflecting metals were a good for interior design, anyway? It was starting to give him a headache just standing there. He glanced at the clock again...eight hours and counting (slowly). He flopped into a chair at the table.

"Damn!" he muttered. "I thought that would've eaten up more time!" His shoulders slumped. T'Soni wandered out of sickbay; a rare occurrence. She looked at him and wrinkled her nose in concentration.

"Something up, Doc?" he asked, boredom prompting him to talk to the awkward asari. She jumped. "I...uh...um...I wasn't staring!" she said wringing her hands. Kaidan laughed lightly.

"I know, Doc." he leaned his elbows on the able. "If you weren't looking at me, what were you ogling at?"

"Umm...you. It's just that...I'm not really good at reading human expressions and...you had one that I'd never seen before, so I was trying to..."

"Figure it out based on scientific observation?" he teased. He smiled to let her know he was joking. He'd heard of her difficulty with jokes from the Commander.

"...yes." She hung her head in what he read as embarrassment. She stuck out her lip. He could see why other asari thought of her as a child. She reminded him of a bashful teen he'd met at BAaT.

"Don't worry about it. This one's boredom. Very exciting, really."

"Really?" she asked, perking up.

"No. that's why it's called 'boredom.'" His head was hurting for real now, and he got mean when that happened. He hoped the migraine would pass quickly, but that, like seeing the Doc outside her tiny room behind sickbay, was a rare occurrence.

"Oh." she wilted again. Forget the kid from BAaT. She reminded him of a flower. A big, blue, talking flower. Or a big-eyed puppy.… Kaidan wasn't good with metaphors. Or imagery.

"Hey, it's alright." he said, feeling bad about making fun of her. "I'm just kidding. And I've got a migraine coming on." He said, massaging his temples for emphasis. The motion was more for her benefit than his, since it never helped with the pain.

"Oh." she said, her eyes getting all big and round. "Dr. Chakwas mentioned your migraines."

He chuckled. No one was a bigger gossip than Chakwas. "I'll bet." he said. "Hey, before I start outright insulting people, I'm off to bed." he paused. "We've still got about eight hours before we hit Noveria, right?"

"Seven hours and thirty-seven minutes." She answered. He raised his eyebrows. Maybe he wasn't the only one dealing with crippling boredom.

"See ya groundside then, Doc. I'm off to the pods." he combed through his hair and pushed his chair in. It's always good to clean up after yourself, you know. He wandered off in the direction of the sleeping pods.

"And, hey," he said, stopping to pat Liara on the back. "You'll get these human emotions down eventually. You've certainly got enough study material around." they smiled at each other, and he walked off.  
He closed his eyes. He knew his way to the pods by heart, from every part of the ship. Sometimes the light aggravated his head. It was like he was blind when those times came, but he managed. He'd found that his other senses compensated (although, that wasn't necessarily a good thing when you had a migraine like the one he felt coming on).

His fingers mechanically typed in his passcode on the first pod he reached. He pulled off his shirt and tossed it in the floor of the small space and crawled in. The pod rotated back and he flopped down onto the foam bed with a happy groan. He hit the button to close the door with a halfway-booted foot, and sweet, sweet silence surrounded him. He really had strained his back with all that cleaning. He rolled over to alleviate the soreness further and promptly fell asleep.

Kaidan's reprieve didn't last for long. When he woke up, he could immediately tell that it hadn't been eight hours since he'd fallen asleep, or anywhere close to it. He tried to kick on the pod's overhead light, and cursed when he failed and stubbed his toe instead.

"Alenko, Kaidan Lieutenant." he heard a muffled voice read. "Good enough for me." Then some beeps as someone fumbled with the keypad. What was going on? And who in the hell thought it was funny to wake him up like this?

The door of the pod swished open, and the quickly shut. Someone landed on top of him. Someone heavy. And muscular.

"Umm, hello?" he whispered. "Would you mind getting_ the hell_ off me?" He yelled that last part. He hadn't meant to, but whoever was on top of him really was heavy. And sweaty.

"Shush!" the voice whispered. A finger pressed against his lips. "Alenko, it is of deathly importance that you shut the bloody fuck up and let me hide!"

"Commander?!" Kaidan shouted, stunned.

"Shhhhh!" the Commander's hand covered his still-open mouth. "Jeez-us, you're loud." Shepard whispered. With the other, the Commander gripped his arm tightly. Kaidan groaned. The Spectre's hand slid away from his mouth.

"What exactly are you hiding from? And why here, of all places?" he breathed, complying.

"Williams." Shepard's body shivered. "She's_ after_ me." What did that mean? Had Williams gone insane? Was she on some sort of homicidal rampage?

"Look, before you ask, I'll let you know that she only poses a threat to _me._ A romantic threat. Don't get your knickers in a twist; I know the regs. No fraternization with the crew, blah, blah, blah, so on and so forth." the Commander's voice rumbled.

"Actually, Commander, I was going to ask you to scoot down a bit, because you're crushing my lungs." Kaidan said, straining for air, slowly being suffocated by the commander's weight. He was starting to see those pesky little blue sparkles that said, _Hello! No oxygen is getting to your brain!_

"Oh." Shepard started to wiggle downwards. Kaidan may have blushed, but he'd never admit it. _This isn't awkward. This isn't awkward. This isn't awkward. _Kaidan mentally chanted. The Commander's head settled into Alenko's chest.

"Thanks." Kaidan managed. "But why the hiding? And why in here?"

"Right to the hard questions, mate? Where have the days when subordinates were told to jump, and asked 'How high?'"

_This isn't awkward. This isn't awkward. This isn't awkward._

"Well, Commander, I'm not exactly being asked to jump, now am I?"

"No, I suppose not. You win, Alenko."

"I feel so much better." Which was a boldfaced lie, of course. This was as embarrassing as hell, uncomfortable, and inconvenient at_ best_. Alenko hoped that Moreau never found out.

"Sure. Well, here goes. I was down in Engineering, talking to Adams, checking in on the ship like the amazing CO should. Tali comes over to ask a few questions, so I leave."

"Wrex hasn't a thing to say, Garrus is working on the Mako..." Kaidan grimaced. He hoped that _thing_ never got repaired. "So I talk to the chief."

_This isn't awkward. This isn't awkward. This isn't awkward. This would be far less awkward if the Commander's arms weren't around my waist._

"I hear her sister saying something about all the 'handsome guys' on the Normandy, and I'm like, 'yeah, you got that right. I'm devilishly handsome and I'm aware of it, thank you.'" he paused, almost like he wanted input.

Kaidan obliged. "Such modesty, Commander." A rumbling laugh was his reward.

"Anyway, she starts hitting on me. I try to subtly drop some 'I'm not interested' hints, but it's not working. And then, she leans in to try to kiss me!"

"You poor bastard." Kaidan shook his head. What was wrong with this man? If Williams had tried to kiss him...well, he sure wouldn't be hiding in a sleeper pod with another man, that's for sure.

"I know. So, I got the hell outta dodge. She must've thought I'm playing hard to get, because she starts running after me!" Shepard shivered again.

"So, here we are."

"That doesn't explain why you're in here." Kaidan coughed, none too subtly. "On top of me."

"Well, if 'Shepard, John Commander' shows up on one of these things, she'll find me right away! And yours was the only one currently occupied. So, bing-bang-boom, I'm in a pod without my name on it! And here we are."

In a twisted, warped kind of way, it made sense.

It was still uncomfortable as hell.

Kaidan opened his mouth to reply, but was quickly silenced by the commander's hand.

"Shhhh!" Shepard whispered desperately. "I hear footsteps." Kaidan fell silent. The only thing he heard was their breathing.

_Tck. Tck. Tck._

Silence again. They were so still, Kaidan could feel Shepard's heartbeat through his lips.

"Commander?" he heard a female voice call. Footsteps again. Kaidan could visualize the Chief's pink-and-white armored boots tapping across the metal floor.

"I know you're here somewhere, Commander..." Williams practically sang. "T'Soni ratted you ou-ut..."

Now Kaidan could imagine her dropping down into a fighting stance, creeping around the pods. The Commander had a vise-like grip around his waist, and Kaidan could feel the younger man's face squinch up through the thin fabric of his Alliance uniform.

_Tck. Tck. Tck._

" Alenko, Kaidan Lieutenant...hmmm." _Oh no. Oh, no no no no no. _This had happened not five minutes ago, and he'd wound up with 200 pound man sitting in his lap.

"Oh, no. She found me!" the Commander whispered. "What do I do..." he trailed off. Kaidan's mind wasn't on how the Commander would escape Williams' clutches, but on how he would explain their...current predicament. By which he meant, convince Williams that he didn't condone the Commander just popping in and pouncing on him.

Kaidan's eyes caught a glimpse of the Commander's face in the dim light. A familiar, devious, slightly insane look dawned on it.

Kaidan shivered a bit. The last time he'd seen this expression, twelve bounty hunters had met a fiery death brought about by Shepard's battlefield spontaneity. Twelve _krogan _bounty hunters.

Kaidan heard the pod hiss open, much to his dismay.

Shepard roughly grasped Kaidan by the arms, and muttered, "sorry, mate," at which point every bone and joint in the LT's body froze up. Shepard apologizing was usually followed by excruciating–

And then, Commander John Shepard had him pinned by the lips against the pod's floor.

At first, Kaidan was kept petrified in place by a combination of his own shock, the pulsing of his full-on migraine, gravity, and the Commander's vice-like grip on his upper arms. Which hurt, by the way.

Kaidan tried to wriggle away. But Shepard's grip was iron, and Kaidan's mind wasn't quite functioning. The way the Spectre's lips moved over his was simply...

Kaidan stopped resisting when the Commander's hands danced over his bare torso.

The biotic pleaded desperately for more, more, more. Not verbally of course, but the way he opened his lips and tilted his head gently up towards the Spectre was certainly communication enough. Shepard's hands continued their sensual ballet, and Kaidan found his arms entangled around the younger man and his back arching with pleasure.

Out of the corner of his eye, Kaidan saw something that looked a whole hell of a lot like Ashley Williams.

The Gunnery Chief stood on her toes, her eyes widening to almost comical proportions. Her jaw dropped open and she nearly lost her balance. Kaidan thought he heard a little gasp, and (metaphorical) gears whirring in her brain. And then she slunk quietly away. (Quiet enough that Kaidan couldn't hear her over his heavy breathing and little moans, anyway.) She didn't close the pod's door.

Shepard's eyes opened; Kaidan could feel the other man's eyelashes tickle their way over his skin. Their lips parted with a soft _tch_, and Kaidan blinked several times, trying to figure out what _exactly_ had just happened. The whole ordeal had only taken thirty seconds or so...

"Thanks for the cover-up, LT," Shepard rasped. "Didn't know of any other way to get her to stop her, you know, romantic advances." Kaidan wasn't well versed with women, but he could think of at least five better solutions. None of them involved the Commander kissing him. Or the Commander even opening his sleeper pod.

Kaidan's lips danced in the forms of words, but failed to make any sound. He grimaced and tried again, but still found himself speechless.

"Didn't know you'd enjoy it quite so much, though." The Commander chortled. "Glad to know I can still knock 'em dead." The sentinel winked, rose from the pod, and swaggered back down the hall, whistling, leaving Kaidan to trail his slender fingers across his kiss-bruised lips.

* * *

**A/N:** If you've got a burning idea in your brain that'd work well for my two lovely Sheps and their crew, shoot me a message, because I'm always looking for inspiration!


	4. Forever

**A/N:** Okay, guys. This is a sad one. LI's POV, 2nd person. 600 words.

* * *

Forever

_Commander Benjamin Shepard._

That's what the plaque you're putting up says. You fleetingly think that it's wrong. It should say 'Benji,' but you suppose that the Alliance bigwigs don't give a single fuck, even though the man saved the entire galaxy.

You'd cry if you were capable. This is as close to a funeral as he's getting, but you know that's what he'd want. He even told you so. That night. That night before he took the Cerberus base.

"Don't worry about little old me, mate," he'd said, running his hand across your face. You can still feel it. You can still see his glowing scars, shining illusively through your fingers. Still smell his cologne.

"All I ever really wanted was to live. I don't give a shit about what happens afterward."

You told him that he shouldn't say such things; what would his friends think? His family? Everyone he'd leave behind?

"Don't have many friends," he'd laughed, "Just you." His eyes had softened, and at that point you'd kissed him for all he was worth.

And that leads you back to your first. It was so long ago, wasn't it? Back on the Citadel, before the whole galaxy went to hell. He was a good kisser; you weren't, and you knew it. But he'd said nothing, and smirked in that special way of his for hours and hours afterward.

You remember laughing when you saw him punching Khalisah al-Jilani on the Galactic News.

Crying when he came back from missions, barely breathing.

Screaming out loud when he flirted with anyone else. Which, in retrospect, happened all the time.

Telling your family war stories about him, and having them gasp in disbelief.

Celebrating when he defeated the Geth. You'd gotten smashed, and toasted to him all night. You'd watched the footage on every terminal you could lay your alcohol-addled hands on.

You remember when he was taken away from you. Back on Earth. Never to be seen again. You remember finding his holo days later. You remember watching it for the first time, and the second, and the third.

"If you find this, I'm dead," it said plainly. He'd always loved clichés. It ended with him saying – whispering – voice cracking like it never, ever had before, "I love you." You remember seeing the simulated tears on the holo's face. You remember collapsing on the floor of the Captain's Cabin, numb, so, so numb, for hours and hours, until Admiral Hackett found you sleeping fitfully on the couch. It still smelled like him.

Right after the ceremony, the crew prepares to relaunch the Normandy. You can't be bothered to help, but everyone understands. They give you a wide berth.

You look out on the horrendously green planet you just left behind. And then you look into space. At the billions upon billions of stars there.

He'd told you once, jokingly, that the kings of the past looked down on us from the stars. That they _were_ the stars. You hadn't understood then.

You do now.

You can feel him watching over you, over the crew, even though you know he's lost to you forever. Even though you'll never see him smile again, or laugh with him, or cry with him, or subtly stare at his butt while he walks through the CIC. Even though he died saving the galaxy. Saving them. Saving you.

He'll be with you forever.


End file.
